| good is good and bad is bad |
[24 Apr 2006|11:13am] |
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radiohead |
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so new york kicked my ass in each and every part.. but it was sooo worth it.
and yes, ladies and gentlemen, i made my decision...
i am now going to be a freshmen at
Hofstra University
class of 2010
be jealous...
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[10 Apr 2006|06:40pm] |
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mary j freaking blige |
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i promise i'll update soon. really really promise.. but you all must understand this whole issue with college, school, and just life in general...
just know that nothing important has happened except for a few acceptances, a possible plus in the male category, and that the show is over.
love
love
love
love
love
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[02 Feb 2006|06:19pm] |
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Damiennn Rice |
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Dear Readers,
It seems like everytime i go to update this thing, 20 minutes before someone has left me a death threat about never updating. i'm working on it! godddd.
Anyways. I don't know if i've just been overwhelmed with stress lately, and i mean STRESS, but i dont seem to have time to finish anything. Like, i start a million things, the normal amount of things i typically take on this time of year, and i have a nervous breakdown before i finish them. When asked what skill i find my strongest, i ALWAYS have said "positive attitude and time management." Well, i'm sorry to say that all those who have crossed my path within the past two or three weeks have felt my wrath and i've been anything but positive or organized. I blame college, is that a fair accusation? I think so.
Speaking of college, you bet.. still no responses, none, nadda, ziltch.. whatever else means zero. And i'm ok with it, because i'm still passing in more apps. each day, but what bothers me (and no offense to him what so ever i swear!), Connor applied 2 maybe 3 weeks ago.. and has heard from all but 1.. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Why is it that every place i have applied has fallen off the god damn earth!? Not only has he heard, he's gotten in! Whores.. you're all whores. Let's stray away from the college concept for a sec, folks. I just hate it too much already and i haven't even graduated.
What else have i been dwelling in the failure of lately? Oh. Middle-Effing-School Show. Whoever decided that MS shows would be fun and that they would be a good idea.. they must have had that horrible "i wish the worst upon anyone, my name is justin clark" intent. And dont get me wrong, Justin will be the father of my child some day, but there will be no feelings involved so i feel like it's ok to spite him on here. SPITE SPITE SPITE. Besides the constant eye rolling, the constant "you're so mean and i hate you"'s, the wonderful "i hate my costume.. it's hideous"'s, and the lack of cooperation and attendance.. i love them all to death. I call them my babies, they hate it, probably because they're the same height as me. Whatever.. i think 5'1" is a great height for an 18 year old.
I had auditions yesterday and today. They went well for what little we were given i think. I read the shows, hate Hamlet and hope it burns in a fiery inferno, but i really like Nora's Lost. No one else will like them though, so don't even plan on coming.. unless you want to wish me a happy birthday because closing night usually falls on april 2nd (yep, exactly 2 more months of shopping folks!). And ofcourse, so typical of Dave, he's not putting up cast list until Monday night.. DEATH. I just want to know, it's killing me.. it always kills me! I guess that's all i have to say about auditions/show/etc. but i will mention that i'll miss those who chose not to do the show, but i'm very glad some certain people are back.
Ew.. i just noticed all my last couple of entries have been horrible teen-angst entries. I feel like if Britt Akerly was reading this right now, she'd want to dip me in the fry-a-lator @ work for making her read this. I feel her pain with the mess of teen angst we've experienced this year in creative writing though.. and i'd like to appologize ahead of time for the past few entries. I'll change the tone from here on out. What's something that's good that has happened lately? OH!! i got straight A's bitches!! woooooo. <--- that's me celebrating by myself. I busted my ASS this quarter and if my GPA/class rank doesnt show it and kick some bitches out of the way so i can climb on up, guidance will burn. My new schedule for second semester is weird, but it's a little relaxing cause i dont have to compete with the love of my life matt pumphret in psych anymore (which i'm still bitter i might add), and i dont have to sit through horrible advanced topics which made me regress in what i already knew about that stuff. I'll give you the 411 on my new sched. another time, but that would involve ranting and raving and this my dear friends, is a happy entry. "No sass in a glass" here. Sorry-- had to say it.
Now i'm all distracted and can't continue on with this entry without repeating myself over and over again.
Sincerely,
Me.
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| so take these words and sing out loud |
[16 Jan 2006|04:27pm] |
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Ledddzeeeppppeeellinnn |
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i know it makes aj mad when i go months upon months without actually writing anything of any relevance about what i do everyday.. or even of interest for that matter.. so i'm going to try right now. I realize what i'm going to end up writing about in this entry wont be shocking or even a little bit amusing, but hey, atleast i'm putting together full sentences right? right. Just a suggestion-- it might make it more bearable to read if you say this entry outloud.. i dont know, it works for me!?
Is it bad that i still haven't been able to watch the show on DVD yet? Now, i wont admit to sobbing while watching the slideshow at the end, but i will admit that it made me quite upset which caused me to make the decision that i wont allow myself to watch the whole show until after auditions for spring have already taken place. My reasoning for this? Well, if i'm preoccupied with the spring show and am seeing most of the same people each and every day again (as well as falling back into my love of a schedule), i figure i won't miss the old show and cast so much. It really seems stupid, i'll give you that much, but i'm a sucker for schedule and tightknit groups of friends.
How's school been going? ehh, it goes. I finally got all my grades up to different forms of A's, but hey, it works for me. I have one more week to keep it like this, including midterms, otherwise it's back down to "close, but no cigar." I've never hated that expression more in my entire life than i have this past year. It's disgusting that this year is already half over.. i dont really know if disgusting is the right word choice in my description of the passing of the school year, but to me, it really really works. If you've read any of my entries before, you know how dependent i am on schedule, patterns, and social interactions with the same groups of people each day. Now that semester one is over, that means psych and advance topics is over. I wont miss topics, it was a boring easy-A class that really seemed like just a waste of time. The only time i really got anything out of it was when Ham asked ash and i to write and do the entire final for the class (that should tell you something about the class in itself). It was painful and time consuming, but it's done and for the past two weeks ash and i haven't done a thing in class. All's well that ends well. On to psych.. not only am i going to die without being in psych everyday (not just because i love the class and the people in it), i'm going to be so god damn bored. Although i'd rather not try and put why i wont survive without psych into any type of sentence structure that can be comprehended by you guys, i'll have you know it just wont work out for me. The only bright side to semester 2's arrival: i have Clunch plus 7th off.. too bad no one else does and i dont have anywhere to go, right? ugh-- thank you guidance.
Have i gotten accepted to any colleges yet? Ofcourse not, i'm still deferred from Emerson The College of Death, but i did send in all my updated stuff (awards, higher gpa, higher class rank, new teacher recs, and publication letters) and a senior portfolio so hopefully they understand how much i want to go there. After all the trouble they've put me through (even though they simply sent home a letter saying "we need more" which im sure was no strenuous effort on their behalf) i dont even know why it seems so special of a college to me anymore. I haven't heard from any other schools yet, probably cause i've only sent in one other app.. but by the day after my 18th birthday (good timing, guys) i should hear from emerson one final time.
What else has been going on? Hmm.. i haven't been the reason for anyones projectile vomitting lately! that's a good start to 06 huh?! Never force the captain down anyones throat if they haven't been to battle with him before = my favorite lesson of 05. I've been to the gym lots and lots per week, pretty sure even the gross lady behind the desk is suprised. I've gotten all my stuff together for costuming Saige and Maggie's show while breaking my vagina bone trying to hop a fence to steal high jump mats from a shed in the woods. It's ok, i didnt need to reproduce in order to save the world or anything... Oh! i was sick for the first time this year. I even went home on a friday night. Trust me, i have to be REAL SICK to go home during the middle of a friday night and stay in bed from 11pm friday to 4:30pm sunday! Umm, i've learned how to the play the card game golf.. or gulf?.. and i'm addicted. It's like smart uno.. when really it's nothing like uno but i like it as much as uno, so therefore, it's similar. I have two gynormous bruises on the insides of my thighs, directly across from each other.. i have no recollection of where they came from, so if you witnessed anything i might have done to cause them.. please call me? I know it really wont make a difference, but i'd like to know what my body has been through. Poor body, i'm so horrible to it.
Well, i think that's pretty much it. I hope you realized that no one should ever complain about me not writing any real updates ever again because this is what happens: lengthy meaningless entries about horrible boring things that lead to no real point.. Happy AJ!? Although i'm sure i could go on forever about things you reallllly dont want to read, but it's monday, the long weekend is over.. and i never cleaned my room, organized my bag, studied for midterms, worked on any college stuff, or touched homework.. you can see how my night is going to be.
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[09 Jan 2006|09:20pm] |
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Jack- Do You Remember |
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i've never met so many socially unacceptable people in my entire life.. what is wrong with all of you!??
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| blahhhh |
[22 Dec 2005|03:36pm] |
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Dave--- Old Dirt Hill |
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if you find yourself here on my side of town, i pray that you'd come to my door.
so what's happened lately? oh, not much.. We've had 2 snowdays (both on fridays) within the past 2 weeks.. so because we had the friday before them off, and the friday after.. we havent been to school on friday in a month! it's amazing cause it makes saturday night sooo much better. Pumphy's birthday was the 3rd. I made him a picture book of all the times where i think he looked his best. I've gotten in a few dramatic fights that have led to nothing but uneasy tension. There seems to be a pattern forming, yes? I got deferred from stupid Emerson (I only cried a little bit) which really sucks because i have to go there like you dont even know. I dont have to reapply, but im nervous i wont get in based on regular admission, UGH. I went to the chorus and band concerts. The chorus was amazing and the band did the little pepband thing which was nice. People have come home for winter break and it's been nice to see the select few of them. I wonder if we'll actually all end up hanging out atleast once; that might be nice. Coffee House was last night. Connor and I were the MCs and it was a little nerve wracking because you can actually see peoples' faces in that room when you're up there making a fool of yourself. I think it went well over all though, minus the "25 minute jam-session".. god, that was like death. But i do have to say that i was glad hutch and naze went because they kept me sane and im very glad that Mike Signorine played.. with his teeth. Oh my god, i was in awe both times. The girls party is tomorrow. I feel like my name might have been left out of the "secret santa pick" because NO ONE has me. hmmmm that could be upsetting. I really hate vacations.. like, im not sure im going to even like summer vacation this year. I just don't like them.. If i had the option to go to school for the whole time we were supposed to be having vacation and just not get any homework, i'd be there at 7:15am every morning. I like routine too much and vacation screws it all up! I am glad about the girls party, christmas, and new years eve though. But besides those three things, i'd rather be in school. So sue me?--- sorry, i never say that and i dont think normal people do, but i felt it necessary right there. Well, i think that's pretty much it. Sorry for the "blockage format", i know it's hideous...
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| im bad at making real entries lately. ill make it up to you, i promise. |
[14 Dec 2005|04:39pm] |
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d) all of the above |
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so if i do this whole thing, i wont drive myself to the store and buy 5lbs of chocolate because i have a craving. DO IT OR I'LL GET REALLY FAT.
So put your playlist (Mp3, Ipod, Itunes, whatever) on random and put down the lyrics to the first ten songs that come up...Then the people who read your livejournal have to show their skills by guessing them
Don't be a dick and use google...that's dumb, get your own skills
1--"ah but the pardons never come from upstairs, they're always a moment too late. But it's entertainment, keeps the crowed on their toes, it's justice, we're safe..."
2--"so forgive me cause i don't know what to do. when you look at me, there can be no hesitation. there can not be a close second to you, i dont know what to do..."
3--"it goes one by one, even two by two. everybody on the floor let me show you how we do. lets go, dip it low then you bring it up slow, wind it up one time wind it back once more..."
4--"round and round carrosel. it's got you under its spell moving so fast but going no where. up and down ferris wheel. tell me how does it feel to be so high looking down here. is it lonely?"
5--"if these walls came crumblin down, fell so hard to make us lose our faith. from whats left you'd figure it out, still make lemonade taste like a summer day..."
6--"people, they dont mean a thing to you. they move right through you just like your breath. sometimes i still think of you and i just wanted to, just wanted you to know, my old friend. i swear i never meant for this, i never meant... dont look at me that way..."
7--"i cut the moon in half and stuck a peice to my hair and made the back of my head glow gold and yellow and then i took 10 stars on sticks and placed them in my small metal bucket, i gave the other half of the moon to you so you wouldn't forget me while i'm gone..."
8--"no i think that i dropped my stash (i know i've seen you out and about when i used to go out), i had it when i walked in the door, it was pure, is it on the floor? (the floor) they say that i have the best ass below fourteenth street..."
9--"lord knows that i'm not perfect but i sure do try and i see the man that i can be in your eyes. but there are times that i still get lost in yesterday, but you took the path behind me and you light my way..."
10--"applause applause no.. wait wait, dear studio audience i have an announcement to make. it seems the artists these days are not who you think so we'll pick back up on that on another page..."
goooodluck<3
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[24 Nov 2005|11:28am] |
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Lovedruggg-- Pretend You're Alive |
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happy thanksgivinggg.
so the shows been over for almost a week now, and i hate it. i know it sounds stupid, but i like that it took up a gazillion hours of my life, that i never left the school, i saw and hung out with the exact same people, my hair was painted gray everyday, and that i never had any spare time to myself.. i honest to god love that. I miss the cast so much, like, i really do.. i think this was the best cast i had ever been in. Each show every night was so much fun, despite all the little things that went wrong, and we pulled in the biggest audience i've ever performed infront of. this had to have been the most emotional slash hectic show i've ever done though.. so many fights, so many times i got permenant marks from the beestings, and so many times we spent more than 12 hours together. So yeah, it's over, im sooo sad it's over because i dont do anything but the gym and go home now.. and i miss the cast so so so much.
we're on vacation. our last day of school was tuesday. It's nice, we started off vaca the right way on tuesday night, and then hung out all wednesday too. I saw rent and it was amazing. I had never seen it before (the musical or heard the music except one song) and i was so happy i finally did. we went with a ton of people and we took up 2 and half rows in the theatre and it was good to see everyone. PAt and aj are home, yayy! after the movie we went to friendlys and ate ourselves to death, then went back to mikeys. battle of the sexes round 2222222, girls won ofcourse. then half of us went home because we were exhausted from the night before and whatnot.
call me crazy, but i dont really like vacation. I wish we had to go to school and that we just didnt get homework for the weeks that we're having "vacation". I miss seeing everybody that i see in each class everyday.. it's probably cause im so freaking dependent on routine. I neeeddd itttt. or maybe it's just that im still in withdrawl from lack of show and miss seeing everyone anyway...
today's thanksgiving and we're eating an hour later than usual which will kill me because im starving already. OH, also, i woke up this morning early (for me) and watched most of the parade and then realized it had snowed 2 inches... yay! i love the snow, it makes the acres look so clean instead of dead and brown. But i absolutely hate driving in it.. my poor car. It's supposed to get warmer tomorrow and rain though, so i dont think the snow will last. Once again i woke up and no ones home though. they had already started cooking things so that's good, but i dont have a clue where anyone is.. oh my family, so scattered.
Ashley's 18th birthday is tomorrow. I can't believe she's that much older than the rest of us.. but she is. Tomorrow's black friday though, and im going shopping with whoever will come with me @ 6:30 in the morning.. the sales are amazing<33 Hopefully i'll see ash tomorrow too, so i can give her my gift.
i think that's all i have to ramble about right now.happppythanksgivinnng.
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[11 Nov 2005|11:02am] |
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Rilo Kiley- Portions for Foxes |
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Can you please come see the show? Here are the dates:
November 11th @ 7pm
November 12th @ 2pm & 7pm
November 18th @ 7pm
November 19th @ 7pm
(we're also performing on the 15th and the 17th but you can't go to those..)
even if you dont like Beauty and the Beast, come see it cause everythings big and shiny
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| no one really wins this time... |
[29 Oct 2005|05:12pm] |
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none, everyones sick and sleeping in my house |
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so it's been over a month since i last updated, how weird (especially for me).i really wasnt in the mood to update any time before now and figured there really wasnt anything to update about, but now that i'm thinking about all i have to say.. i really should have broken it down before now.
1)it's been a month since nate died, which still in itself seems so weird to me. I dont think the whole concept of death clicks in my head.. like, i understand he's not breathing anymore, but i dont understand "wow, he can't breathe anymore." does that make even the slightest bit of sense? like just the concept of breathing means your alive seems so simple to me that for a person not to be able to just doesnt work for me.. i dont know, i'd explain in a more sane way if i could.. but obviously i cant.
2)i passed out @ OBGYN earlier in the month. i know, that statement alone should do itself justice because it's just so embarassing to explain.. but i dont want readers to think i'm a wimp. The thing is, it's not like it was my first visit at the house o' vagina snatchers either; it was my 4th to be exact. I went to get the pill filled because a)i dont trust Family Planning and b)my mom said she'd pay. So the story goes as follows: i was sick from school as it was, so i went to the OBGYN because i had an appt right after the clinic. So i'm naseaus from my head cold and i had an upset stomach but make it through the unfortunately long meeting i had with the gygnocologist. Just as i was leaving, she had me sit back down on the bench and was being really awkward. she shut the door and was like, "i think we should give you a clamydia test." i kind of laughed (terms like that make me giddy-queezy) and proceeded to tell her no, it was deff. not necessary and that maybe we could schedule it at another time if she really wanted me to have one. She kind of get irritated and said, "no, i think you should have one now before you leave.." and started to grab my legs. I was like what're you doing? and started to panic because not only was i uncomfortable because i was sick, but she was making me nervous. She kept grabbing at my legs saying i should do it before i left with a new refill and i kept saying no it was ok and i just got so worked up that i passed out right then and there. when i came to, it was the most awkward situation of my life. I was so embarassed... i haven't gone back since.
3)I'm not sure if it's just my state, but it's been raining almost everyday for about 3 weeks now. We've gotten an accumlative of 20 inches of rain. A whole bunch of towns were flooded like crazy, as in up to the tops of waists, and so much was shut down. It also happened to be the worst on the weekend of the Sandwich Fair. I LOVE THE SANDWICH FAIR. Although it was a giant mudd fest, we waited an extra day and went anyways. I went down with Mikey, Meggie, Kait, Laur, Charlotte, and we met up with Adam and Court. Over all the day was good, but i ate way too much.. it's sad that the food was my main reason for going. Oh sandwich fair, you defeated me once again.
4)The Germans of '05 came and went once again. I only met a couple of them this year, but i liked the ones i did meet. They all seemed to be really REALLY young compared to the past years. It must be nice to do an exchange program.. i wish french didnt suck and finally got their act together and did one before i graduate.
5)I took SATs my fourth and final time. Did WAY better this time, but im still not happy.. oh well, college board has made me a poor bitch due to the price of taking SATs and it's so not worth it to me to get up @ 5:30am anymore and take them only to cry when i get the results. i'm just going to have to face the fact that my SAT scores will not be the thing getting me into college.
6)Speaking of college, i applied on october 20th to early action for Emerson College in Boston, MA. It was my top school (even though since then i've found many schools i like just as much) so i figured why not apply early and find out if i'll get in or not. I find out november 15th-ish. IM SO NERVOUS it's not even funny. It took me forever to get my "act together" for this whole college thing. I hope it's easier from here on out because that week of getting ready to mail it out KICKED MY ASS notoriously. Here's my final list of where i'm applying between the months of October and March:
-Emerson College
-Edinboro University of Pennsylvania
-Hofstra University
-Manhattan College
-Ithaca College
-University of New Hampshire
-Keene State College
7)Aj came home for like 3 days. it was nice to see him, i've really missed him. He hasn't changed i dont think.. i really wouldnt know cause although we did spend a lot of time togehter one night, we really didnt sit down and talk. I havent even seen pictures of his roomate yet, let alone everyone else he raves about. All i know is that i hope the people he's friends with @ school know that they're lucky to know him and see him everyday and that i'm very jealous as a result.
8)We went to the NHETG workshops @ PSU again. Not everyone went, but for who did go, i had a very good time. We got to see patrick and shane which was nice because i was starting to get really bored @ the sessions. I ended up in 2 sessions by myself and then skipped my last two to be with pat, shay, shane, ash, paige, kdobb, diana, and lizi.
9)The show is so soon it's not even funny. Rehearsals are already going until 8:30.. and i hate being in the building from 7am-8:30pm.. i dont really notice it until i get out and it's pitch black, i feel like i never see any sunlight because we get to school when it's not sunny and i barely have windows in my classes. My costume is gigantic which im still not sure how i feel about.. but i just realized yesterday everytime i've had to since lately i dont even care. Like, the whole first week i dreaded having to sing my songs because people would hear and im so self conscious about it but i've had to sing everyday for the past month and i realized last night that i dont even think twice about it now, which means a lot to me. I'd like to think that i've grown up in a sense. We've always had the most dramatic rehearsals i've ever experienced. I've never seen certain people cry before, and IVE never cried that much in that stupid building in my whole life..i'd explain more, but i actually dont want to at all. Anyways, the show is soo soo soon, and let me know if you want details as to dates because i'd love it if people i knew went!
10)We went to awakenings last night to see Laur sing and see everyones halloween costumes. she did so well and played a song for me, i love her for it too:) The other band was nice, too emo for me though.. WAY too emo. It's ok, it made the 20 someodd people outside happy, and meg-moody ofcourse! After laur was done they were closing so maggs and i went to dunkin donuts cause i wanted a bagle and she was nice enough to go along for the ride. We had a really nice talk between the last half hour awakenings was open and the whole time we were @ dunkin donuts. i missed that.
...and i'm pretty sure that's everything in 10 quick and easy steps. I hope you're all up to date if you infact did read everything, and i hope it's also made you realize how boring my life can be in a month but how stressed it makes me at the same time.
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[29 Sep 2005|04:54pm] |
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Jack--If I Could |
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Nathan Babcock
7/15/87 to 9/28/05
only the good die young...
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[24 Sep 2005|11:38am] |
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breakdown--jj |
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let me know when you are done being retarded.
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[19 Sep 2005|06:19pm] |
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Good People |
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i've fallen back into the trend of listening to nothing but jack johnson,
and i absolutely love it.
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| im getting sicker every night, i swear. |
[14 Sep 2005|06:32pm] |
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so i've been trying really hard not to blame all of schools gayness on just AP Bio, but i can't not say anything anymore.
i fucking hate you, AP Bio, i really fucking do.
i have my first exam in that class tomorrow. You'd think being 3 weeks into school, i'd have some grasp on a good amount of concepts. Nope, wrrronggg. I leave that class everyday saying "wait, do we have homework.. and if so, what is it". Or in class i'll ask him to show me something but then he gets COMPLETELY side tracked and doesnt even touch base with what i asked. Plus, he's kind of being an asshole this year. I have no idea why either. I have him for both my sciences classes and he's not just being a tool because one of them is AP, but he's been a fucker in the other class too. I DONT HAVE TIME TO BE STRESSED OUT!
well, i guess i cant really say much more about how much i hate AP Bio because it will all just turn into repetitive bitching. but i will leave with this; i'm taking an online pre-exam quiz right now... here's the question im stuck on:
***Radon is a radioactive gas that seeps into homes from the soil. It is thought to be a leading cause of lung cancer. A research team investigates this theory. They gather large amounts of data on basement radon concentrations and lung cancer rates and conclude that the more radon there is in a home, the more likely is lung cancer. After the study is published, other researchers criticize it by asserting that the studied neighborhoods with higher radon concentrations also have a higher percentage of older people and a higher percentage of cigarette smokers than the low-radon neighborhoods. Both advanced age and cigarette smoking increase the risk of lung cancer. This criticism, if correct, shows that the radon study suffered from _____.
did anyone else not retain a word of that when they finished reading it? yeah.. me either
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[10 Sep 2005|07:09pm] |
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Don't Cry |
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school is retarded, even for senior year. case closed.
i havent done much of anything lately
i've probably messed up
probably gotten in trouble
and probably pissed people off
but what else is knew?
nothing, and thats why this update is overrrr.
he
makes
me
happy.
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[03 Sep 2005|11:23pm] |
i hate being lied to.
just putting it out there...
and i actually did what i said i was going to do tonight, and came home uinstead of staying at james's. ptoud? i am proud.
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[30 Aug 2005|04:01pm] |
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music |
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speed of sound-- coldplay |
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so school starts tomorrow.. and i'm a senior. weird
summer was all in all ok. i honestly didnt do half the stuff i should have done, but the stuff i did do, i'd do all over again in a heart beat. i had an awesome time when i was out, i hung out with people that made it all worth while, i had my shares of fights that i wouldnt wish upon my worst enemy, and i've been caught and had my life ruined by the small town gossip factor as a result.. but hey, like i said.. i would do it all over again and not change a thing.
so goodbye summer '05, here i come gilford high senior class of '06.
oh an ps-- i've given up on trying to make things go the way i want them to, and just going with the flow.. it's working out much better i must say.
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[25 Aug 2005|05:45pm] |
new layout.
(i got bored)
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the_xgirlfriend's journal